I came across this story I started a couple years ago when we were living in Kansas… The boys still have retained their mutual advocacy; especially as they have entered Kindergarten. It was nice to recall an example like this… it is easy to forget how quickly they grow.
So… Jaden and I are in the twins’ room because he is being sent there for aggravated assault on an air circulation device (repeatedly throwing toys at the cieling fan). He is in the midst of trying to explain to me that I cannot control him because he is himself and I am me and he wants to go out of his room and I am being rude because I am not letting him do what he wants to do. Dillon hears his brother’s pleas for release and slinks into the bedroom trying to avert his eyes from mine. He walks slowly over to Jaden and takes him by the hand… then he mutters something to Jaden and both of them attempt to slowly make their way out into the hallway as if this stealth mission was far to clever for me to discover…even as they perpetrate the act before my very eyes. As they crept into the hallway, eyes wide and grinning ear to ear, it was all I could do to not double over in laughter. I composed myself enough to call out their names firmly and redirect Jaden to the bedroom to finish discussing his sentencing. Dillon then tried to screen me off as Jaden made a break for the door… in the end, justice prevailed, but not without a valiant effort from the offending party and his wing man.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
The other night (or morning, depending on your perspective) Dillon comes bounding into our bedroom looking to crash for the evening. He informed Kendra she could take Ethan with her and sleep in his bottom bunk. He was looking for some time with just dad. I lay there for a few minutes trying to manage my reaction to this… I certainly was not excited about being startled awake, but I had to take a moment to really grasp what was happening. With all the activities and chaos that consume my daily schedule, I had scarcely had time to devote individual attention to my children. From moving halfway across the country and then moving again from the rental to this house to having a new addition to the family, our kids have had to manage a ton of change. We contintue to be impressed by how well they seem to be adjusting, but this particular evening gave me a glimpse at what was truly beneath Dillon’s patient exterior: he just desperately needed some quiet time.
All three boys have been fantastic big brothers; they are constantly concerned with making sure Ethan is comfortable or has what he needs. They often stop what they are doing if he cries to try to lend a hand. They always ask to hold him and help out with tummy time. There has been no indication of jealousy or resentment. I think that we have been so relieved with how things have transitioned that we have given our remaining attention to the details of maintaining the house and keeping all the plates spinning at work. Dillon helped me to realize that we still have three other boys we need to dote on and have special time with. This is a humbling lesson that I had not thought I would have to learn, but as I honestly reflect on the last several weeks it has been quite convenient for me to lump the boys together in some activity and use the time with all of them as my “family time”. This is a cop out. I refuse to continue down this path. My four-year-old should not have to wake himself up in the middle of the night in order to spend some quality time with his father.
Dillon and I took a trip to grab breakfast for the family… it was a simple trip and it took all of about 25 minutes, but it allowed me to connect with him in a way that we had not been able to in a long while. My committment to him and to Jaden and to Logan (Ethan tends to find ways to get alone time) is to continue to find little ways to spend bigger and bigger slices of time together that are individually significant. This time slips by so quickly, and we only get one chance to try to parent these guys. I want to make the most of the time I have in front of them while my opinion still matters and while they still see hanging out with me as a “cool” thing to do. The sands in the hour glass don’t pause… family has to remain the higher priority over the distractions of life… hopefully I can stay on track and we can find enough time in the day for our dedicated time, and we can all go back to sleeping peacefully at night.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
Two weeks away from taking another ultrasound peek at our developing baby… it is incredible to think that in a few months that child will be on the outside and adding to the love/chaos/excitement/stress/animation/noise/activity that already exists in our house of five. With all the stress of work and trying to keep the house presentable for potential buyers and keeping the kids engaged and productively occupied, Kendra and I absolutely collapse at the end of each day. As much as I am looking forward to our new baby, I am often equally terrified of the prospect of expanding the family. Once again, we find ourselves standing at the edge of change…. next steps are obscured and what lies ahead is difficult to discern. We can only have faith that when we take the next step through the fog we will find firm footing… and it is exciting to be this overjoyed and be this scared at the same time!
It’s like standing in line to ride that roller-coaster for the first time… you hear the shrieks and screams of those ahead of you and you’re not really sure what to expect… you see people survive the ride and get off, and some even come back to ride again… when it’s your turn, you sit down, strap in, and hold on. There are moments you lose your breath, moments you scream out loud, moments you want to close your eyes and wish you were back on the ground, and moments when you are grinning ear to ear. The best part is, with kids, the ride is never the same… the down side is, as I am finding out, it seems to go by just as quickly.
I think back to when it was just Logan, Kendra, and me… life was full and days were packed. It didn’t seem possible that the curious little boy I knew would grow into the creative young man he is becoming. It does not seem long ago when Logan was tearing up and down the street in his Big Wheel or boldly demanding his training wheels be removed from his bike. I still vividly remember the day he said goodbye to his life preserver at the apartment swimming pool when he saw another little boy his age swimming without one. He decided then that he would always be one to shine… that light still glows in him… I can’t wait to see that light in full shine!
Thinking back even further when I ventured out into the “real world” and set out for Phoenix in search of a career, I had no idea what a blessing was in store for me in Logan and Kendra. In a blink, we went from three to five…now Logan is on the cusp of adolescence, Jaden and Dillon are nearing Kindergarten age, and baby #4 is rounding the turn. We have had no shortness of twists and turns or loop the loops, but all in all, we continue to enjoy the ride. I have no idea what the next step will bring. God continues to bless us in ways we could not imagine… so I stand here terrified, overjoyed, listening to the symphony of emotions of those that ride ahead of me… and look forward to taking this ride one more time.
Kiss your kids!
