Through a Father's Eyes

You would have loved her if you’d met her. She was so kind and genuine…so full of life and love. She was no fragile flower though.  She had fight in her. She was clever too… she had a tremendous sense of humor… it was intelligent, and twisted, and crazy. We loved it. In fact, when I heard the news today part of me was holding back…hoping it was some joke that had gone sideways. But no. Even that would be too far for her… God, I wish it were a joke.

It was impossible to be around her and not enjoy yourself. I would come home from work some days and she and Kendra would be in tears from laughing so hard. They could find humor in anything. They called me once when I was out of town on travel to give me the blow-by-blow account of how they were ridding the backyard of rodents. The alternating screams and eruptions of laughter created quite the image in my mind. I’m sure my mental film footage did no justice to the actual scene unfolding on our lawn. Although I can’t right now, I know I’ll smile about that again for years to come. She was so selfless…She helped us paint to help our house feel like our home… and even though she hated to do it, when it was time for us to move, she helped us pack our home and prepare the house for the next family. I will remember her in that way. Always the friend. Always ready to lend a hand in whatever way necessary.

She was great with the boys. It’s sad that all we’ll ever have for them to see now are pictures… and she never got to meet Ethan. But all our “what-ifs” and “could haves” fail to compare to the pain and the void that her husband and their daughter are dealing with right now. This year would have been 20 years for those two. That is so rare, and so special… and her daughter… her daughter was her world. She truly embraced every moment of motherhood. She even took a part time job at her daughter’s school to be able to spend more time near her and be available during off school hours. Those two people who love her and need her are devastated today… and for that our hearts are broken. They are missing a very special person. She was amazing… I wish you could have met her. You would have loved her.

Please pray for our friends…

Kiss your kids.

Spring Break. Masked in all the leisure and freedom of this sunny two-week span of devil-may-care frivolity is the specter of Loss. The boys know it; they’ve pushed it aside to deal with later. I can see it cross their minds sometimes. Then they’ll shake it off and refocus on the here and now. Right now, they are enjoying every moment of the break. You’ll find them out on the trampoline, over at the park, hanging with friends…But, Jaden and Dillon have an awareness that when the sun sets on that final day of vacation and they lay their heads down to rest they will awaken to a new reality. Things will be different. Mrs. Robbins will be gone.

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I don’t remember any of the sounds from that day…no particular words or conversations…the memories just begin in silence as my mind plays the repeating images of smoke and buildings and planes and ash. Not the peaceful silence associated with contemplation or reflection, but the sudden silence that follows the loud noise that wakes you in the middle of the night. It is thick and ominous. It represents the removal of sound rather than the mere absence of it. It is colored with hate, confusion, sorrow, and uncertainty. Ultimately, the images of destruction from early in the day yield to recollections of acts of selflessness and heroics demonstrated by individuals from all walks of life who responded to a call to help and to fight. In the end, I remember courage. Read more…