There was a time when I could go to the store, get what I need, and get back in the same amount of time it takes us to corral all the kids and get them in the car today. Everything was hassle free – errands, dinners out, movies, travel – I had more time in the day than I knew how to fill. I hate that time. I don’t miss a second of it. But it will be back… shortly…and it looms hauntingly in the back of my mind. READ MORE »
Posts tagged Logan
These woods are lovely…
We charged into 2009 with a trip that will hopefully become our annual tradition… the Escape to Flagstaff! The idea was to get out of town for a couple days and head up north to play in the snow. It was a spontaneous desire that struck us after we heard what a great time some friends of ours had the week before. I had some points earned for a free hotel stay, so we thought it would be a great idea to just grab the kids, load the sleds in the Pilot, and head up to the mountains for one last break before I headed back to work and the kids headed back to school. We made our plans on Thursday: on Saturday morning we would get up early, leave the 70 + degree weather in the Valley, make the 2.5 hr drive to the snow, get in a few hours of play, retire to the hotel, and then do it all over again before coming back home. We took inventory of our winter gear and found that we were missing a few key items for the younger boys. We were able to put together some options for Ethan, but the twins had outgrown their Kansas gear, and we had given other items away. Kendra went out Thursday and Friday in search of snow boots and gloves for Jaden and Dillon: no such luck. All she could find were a slew of cotton gloves that we could use in a pinch to keep their hands warm… at least until they got wet. “No problem”, we said. “We will get up early on Saturday as planned and just stop off at a sporting goods store along the way.” At worst, we figured, we would pick something up when we got to Flagstaff… surely there would be winter gear there.
Saturday morning. We backed out of the driveway at the crack of ten o’clock. Confident that we would find our remaining snow accessories quickly at the sporting goods store down the road and still be on the mountain after lunch. Four hours and 5 sporting goods stores later, we found ourselves making the final ascent into the rugged mountain city of Flagstaff…without the winter gear. As I internally rationalized the fact that a Phoenix-area sporting store would not have winter outfitting in December, I became distracted by the silence that suddenly overtook the car. I looked back and saw the boys staring out the windows at the wispy white clouds that had come circling in to meet us. They made a cotton-candy layer that hovered just above the cars and twirled slowly around as if to gaze curiously back at the children in the cars staring wondrously at them. Through the veil of clouds rose the ponderosa pine trees dusted with snow. I rolled down my window to take in the clean mountain air and add to the effect of the children’s fascination. The 36 degree (and dropping) temperature reminded me quickly that we were no longer in the Valley and we had, indeed, found winter… but stopping at the stores in town, we found that we still could not locate boots or gloves for our children… seriously. Under outfitted but undaunted, the children begged us to press on.
The excitement in the backseats grew as we bounded further up into the mountain highway toward our sledding destination. The curious clouds outside of town gave way to a stouter set of grey white clouds that appeared to be held aloft by the spiny ponderosas. The clouds initially sprinkled frozen rain on us, which gave way to balls of hail, and eventually, flakes of snow. As we climbed higher in elevation, the pine trees became more dense, and stretched higher into the clouds. The branches of the trees were now heavily laden with snow. Every so often there was evidence of a branch or a sapling that succumbed to the weight of the snowy load, but the sturdy ponderosas largely held their posts and bore their loads handsomely. We drove past snowed in ranch houses set in yawning mountain valleys, and homes with icicles so large they seemed to be posing as stalactites. At every clearing the boys insisted we should stop and break out the sleds. They had all handled themselves quite well during the many detours and fruitless searches, but the anticipation was about to overtake them. Just ahead, the sign for the turnoff into the Wing Mountain snow play area came into view.
We made our way down the bumpy road toward the parking area. After about 200 yards, we came to a halt. There was a line of cars ahead of us and no one seemed to be moving. The time was nearing 2:30 by now, and the park closed at 4. We decided to get everyone as prepared as we could while we sat in the line waiting. As Kendra was getting the final few items for everyone out of the back of the Pilot, she overheard a conversation between the truck behind us and an exiting vehicle. Apparently, from where we sat in line, there was at least another 40 minute wait to get into the parking lot because the place was at capacity and several cars had to leave prior to others being let in. Kendra recalled an area we passed on the way up to the mountain near our hotel that had a hill with kids sledding. The boys were quickly sold on the idea of going somewhere else to sled immediately rather than sitting in line to only have a few minutes to play in the snow. We turned ourselves around and bumped our way back to the highway heading into town. The trip had been peaceful to that point, exceptionally so, but I knew I had to be on borrowed time.
We made it down the highway without incident, and as we stopped at the traffic light that would lead us toward downtown – a moment happened. The snow that had been falling broke momentarily then gave way to giant flakes of downy snow that floated toward us as if they had been unzipped from the clouds. Jaden rolled his window down and stretched his arms out as far as he could reach; his palms extended flat to provide safe landing for the pokey snowflakes. Dillon quickly followed suit and the snowflakes readily accepted the invitation into the car. Ethan was wide-eyed, mouth agape, and head drifting left and right…completely awestruck by the invading snow. Elation slowly gave way to frustration as Ethan futilely stretched his arms out to embrace the snowflakes. He pressed his little body against the shoulder restraints and tried in vain to snatch the little curiosities as they floated through the window toward him only to land on a lap or in the hair of an older brother, stay briefly, then melt away. I turned to look at him, and he was trying his baby best to hold it together but his lip began to quiver and curl as the disappointment of being left out of the fun was becoming too great to bear. I had to do something. It struck me. I reached over and started the moon roof open…an initial puff of snow from the roof dropped in, and then the billowy flakes from the sky poured down as they had through the windows. The opening made a path that led right to Ethan, who shrieked in delight as the first snowflake alit on his fingertips and danced around as is slowly melted. The children’s voices created a chorus of elation as their shrieks and giggles poured out from their seats. Each had an portal to the snow and offered every available limb to the flakes as a landing strip. I was completely taken by the scene of these four boys with mile-wide grins and snow coming in through the top and sides of our vehicle. There was no concern with the cold. There was no concern with the moisture on the interior. There was only our sons and their ability to find such joy in this simple snowfall and in each other’s appreciation for the fun they each were having. One would look to the next and laugh in reaction to the fun he would see his brother having. The few minutes at that intersection seemed to stretch into hours, and even that did not begin to feel like long enough to enjoy it all. Had nothing else gone right that weekend, the experience at that stop light would have been worth any inconvenience that followed.
We eventually shut out the snow and drove on to the hotel. We were informed by the hotel staff of a practice field at the local university that doubled as a sledding hill in the winter. It turned out to be a more than suitable substitute for Wing Mountain as we were able to break in the sleds and play in the snow without the hassle of the larger crowds or the worry of having to experience everything before the park closed. We spent a couple hours at the hill and had a great time. The next morning we headed up to Wing Mountain and conquered all the hills before retiring from all the fun we’d had and finally returning to the warmth of the Valley of the Sun. 2009 was off to a wonderful start…and while we know it won’t be a perfect year, if we continue to find opportunities to laugh and enjoy the little things, we will always have plenty to look back on fondly.
Thanks for coming along for the ride…
Time
The other night (or morning, depending on your perspective) Dillon comes bounding into our bedroom looking to crash for the evening. He informed Kendra she could take Ethan with her and sleep in his bottom bunk. He was looking for some time with just dad. I lay there for a few minutes trying to manage my reaction to this… I certainly was not excited about being startled awake, but I had to take a moment to really grasp what was happening. With all the activities and chaos that consume my daily schedule, I had scarcely had time to devote individual attention to my children. From moving halfway across the country and then moving again from the rental to this house to having a new addition to the family, our kids have had to manage a ton of change. We contintue to be impressed by how well they seem to be adjusting, but this particular evening gave me a glimpse at what was truly beneath Dillon’s patient exterior: he just desperately needed some quiet time.
All three boys have been fantastic big brothers; they are constantly concerned with making sure Ethan is comfortable or has what he needs. They often stop what they are doing if he cries to try to lend a hand. They always ask to hold him and help out with tummy time. There has been no indication of jealousy or resentment. I think that we have been so relieved with how things have transitioned that we have given our remaining attention to the details of maintaining the house and keeping all the plates spinning at work. Dillon helped me to realize that we still have three other boys we need to dote on and have special time with. This is a humbling lesson that I had not thought I would have to learn, but as I honestly reflect on the last several weeks it has been quite convenient for me to lump the boys together in some activity and use the time with all of them as my “family time”. This is a cop out. I refuse to continue down this path. My four-year-old should not have to wake himself up in the middle of the night in order to spend some quality time with his father.
Dillon and I took a trip to grab breakfast for the family… it was a simple trip and it took all of about 25 minutes, but it allowed me to connect with him in a way that we had not been able to in a long while. My committment to him and to Jaden and to Logan (Ethan tends to find ways to get alone time) is to continue to find little ways to spend bigger and bigger slices of time together that are individually significant. This time slips by so quickly, and we only get one chance to try to parent these guys. I want to make the most of the time I have in front of them while my opinion still matters and while they still see hanging out with me as a “cool” thing to do. The sands in the hour glass don’t pause… family has to remain the higher priority over the distractions of life… hopefully I can stay on track and we can find enough time in the day for our dedicated time, and we can all go back to sleeping peacefully at night.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
Set it down (the Target story)
We were out looking for a few items one evening and ended up at Target. The kids were tired and we just wanted to get in and out quickly so I decided to run in to the store to pick up the few things we needed. I grabbed a red basket and made my way to the far end of the store to retrieve my goods. When I arrived at my desired aisle, as often happens I noticed a few more things that I could not do without. One of my impulse items was an 24-pack of Vitamin Water, to which I had become recently addicted. I noticed quickly that it would not fit in my red basket. I set the basket down and made a few attempts at stacking my selections in a way that would allow me to carry them all back to the front of the store. I had several close calls at dropping everything, but was finally able to stand up, turn around, and make my way out of the aisle. As I was leaving the section, I noticed an empty shopping cart. It was sitting casually by a candy display and I had not noticed it when I entered the aisle. I looked around and no one seemed to belong to it. I thought about setting everything down and pushing the cart to the registers, but I chose not to and struggled on. I managed to make it most of the way down a major aisle toward the front of the store (I had now almost traveled the length of the store and was in view of the turn that would take me the width of the store to the registers) when I noticed another solitary cart off to the side. I looked around and again could not identify anyone who might have been using it. I set my burdens down into the cart and pushed on. As I made my way toward the check out stands, it struck me that God is often there inviting me to lay my burdens down and give my troubles to Him. I drew a parallel between this instance and the challenges we had been facing in our life… We have been stressing over moving, over the arrival of our newest child, over little things, big things…everything. That trip into the store reminded me that He does not give up on me even when I pass up his offer for help. He just provides another opportunity…
I felt compelled to share this story… It seems a lesson I have to relearn from time to time. Our boys are entering different milestones of independence now. Logan is entering adolescence and will be faced with many new choices and situations that he will have to manage. Jaden and Dillon are expressing individuality and the desire to do “big boy” things more frequently and consistently. Our offerings for help will go unaccepted quite often I am sure… but we will have to remain patient and allow them to recognize that we are there for them when they need us and we will not force our support. It will be difficult to see them struggle with things that I could easily make better for them or show them how to do differently. It will be very difficult to watch them fail knowing I could have interfered or offered some assistance. But when they do come for help, we won’t mention the times we could have helped in the past… we will only do what we can and continue to offer our love and support… and keeping this perspective, I think I have some things to go set down.
Thanks for coming along for the ride…. Kiss your kids!
It’s a healthy baby (boy)!
I awoke today with a wide range of emotions… I knew going to sleep last night that it would be the final night that I would go to bed wondering about the status and condition of our developing child. Today would bring answers to many questions, and would potentially bring additional questions or concerns. We were scheduled to have an amniocentesis to bring clarity to some concerns based on some disturbing test results we had recently received. There had been some growing sense of ease over the past couple days as news from the doctor’s office changed. But, the inconsistency of what we were being told did not assuage the concerns that the original news created. The amnio was to be our final grasp for sanity and also a foolproof peek at the sex of the baby. So… I was very excited to finally know the sex one way or another… and I was dually nervous about going through the amnio process. Not because I was overly concerned about the results of the test, but because of the process itself and my desire to maintain Kendra’s and the baby’s health. There are risks associated with the process and our preference was to avoid going down that path if possible.
The day began early… Jaden strolled in around 6 am (instead of his usual 7:30) and the routine picked up from there. We got an unusually early start for the appointment and ended up going to Costco for a stroll before hand to let them get some energy out for our sake and the sake of anyone else who would be in the general vicinity of the Dr.’s office. The plan worked perfectly until the final few minutes… the early rise and the semi-long drive to overland park made for some cranky twins… Dillon and Jaden had a blowout over R2-D2 (a Star Wars addiction that will have to be explained in another blog… or 2) and the wheels came off. We were able to escape without incident or injury but we were a few minutes away from a crucial appointment with the genetic counselor and a subsequent ultrasound. Dillon was fine (he was in possession of the R2) and was looking forward to going into the appointment. We didn’t want to send just him in there with her, so Kendra and I were working out a strategy that would have me remain in the car with the combatants while she went in and communicated with me via quick phone calls and text messages when Jaden came to the decision that it was time to let go of the R2 thing and play with baby Yoda instead and calmed down(again…long story).
We had a terrific genetic counselor… I can’t do justice in this text to the patience and compassion of this man. He had the Lawrence Drs fax the test results over to him so he could see the levels they discussed with us and stepped through each of the risks associated with every score. We walked out of that room feeling great about the health of our baby and knowing we could avoid the risks of the amnio. He covered every point of concern that Kendra had and discussed family history while the boys were playing on the couch and strumming the fan cage like a banjo…briefly. He even posed for a picture Jaden took of him with my phone. The phone turned out to be a great distraction… we have several fine photographs of the couch, the pictures on the wall, some carpet, what I believe is an index finger, and a picture of the twins taking a picture of themselves in the mirror.
The ultrasound went great! Jaden and Dillon watched with great interest as the Dr looked over the various body parts… they called out the parts they recognized, asked tons of questions, and were completely engaged in the process. When we got to the boy parts and proclaimed Ethan Sawyer was indeed on board (a moment of silence for Chastity Virginia…) Dillon exclaimed,”We will be his friends!” (they refer to each other as a “friend” rather than a brother or twin, so this was a powerful statement from Dillon). Jaden, tired of leaving the appointments empty handed, said as we walked out of the ultrasound room, “next time we come here, we will take him out of there (mom’s tummy)”.
We called Logan in Arizona with the news… he was glad to hear the baby was healthy but had been holding out for a girl… understandably, he has had a healthy dose of little brothers and was looking for a change. However, he did provide his blessing and is welcoming his new little brother into the fold… “as long as he is not twins”… I assured him he was not. We checked. Many times. Seriously.
On the way out of the office, big brother to be Jaden paused at the receptionist desk and addressed the woman on the other side. “Ethan!” he shouted to her and smiled and walked away… another friend for the family.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… kiss your kids!

