Written by It is difficult to describe the events of 2008 without the word chaotic surfacing multiple times. There were plenty of personal lessons from the previous year that I hope to keep fresh in my mind as I begin to face the events of 2009 so I can avoid having to learn (and relearn) them. Last year also brought the hardships associated with the housing market implosion, the crippling of the economy, and the heart wrenching failures of the Dallas Cowboys (ok… maybe this is not on the same scale 
). As I look back, though, on the previous year, the things that come readily to mind are the situations involving the new friendships we forged, the existing friendships we strengthened, the beauty we discovered in our old surroundings, and the times spent laughing and crying with family. We celebrated our oldest son’s entrance into his teenage years, sent our “babies” off to Kindergarten, and juggled emotions as our youngest (and last) turned a single digit. So, while this past year served plenty of bitter, it has made the rest all the more sweet.
Posts tagged Lessons
Out with the old…
The Hill
A few weeks ago a buddy and I went out for a bike ride in the hills south of our homes. It was a fairly technical six mile loop through cactus and rock, over sandy riverbeds, and up some gravely inclines. I began the ride with visions of pedalling victoriously up to the peak and gazing out across the valley with a sense of accomplishment and pride. I used to go on rides like this all the time when I was younger… surely it would all come back to me quickly.
A few minutes of burning thighs and several mouthfuls of dust into the ride quickly lowered my expectation to that of merely surviving the trip. It had been years since I had attempted anything as physical as this ride, and every crank of the pedal drove home how young I no longer am. By the time we were midway up the second major incline my arms and legs were burning, I was out of breath and I was doubled over my handlebars desperate for some type of boost or second wind. I looked around at the desert wilderness that enveloped us: cholla cactus, saguaro, wild grass concealing desert rodents and insects, loose rocks and drop-offs, and the silence of the hills was only penetrated by the exaggerated pounding of my heart as I struggled to catch my breath. We pushed forward… every so often we would stop and try to regroup and curse our path. We came to what we thought would be the halfway point as we encountered more downhill path than up. We began to laugh at how ridiculously we had been behaving about the previous obstacles and congratulated ourselves on making it through. We proclaimed our manliness and vowed to conquer the trail with ease the next time out… and then we came to the big hill.
This section of the trail was not so much an incline as it was an instrument of torture designed to crush a rider’s sense of accomplishment and capability. We somehow managed to push ourselves over the first couple of summits, but each time we would come to the top of a section, the trail would hairpin and climb again, or it would drop down into a sandy riverbed and then climb sharply to a point and gradually wind further upward. Each time we thought we had arrived at our stopping point or pinnacle, the trail moved onward and upward. We were physically and mentally spent. We had put ourselves down this path and we could not continue on the way we planned. From where we stood, we could see the parking area off in the distance. The terrain prevented us from giving up and setting off in that direction, and we had come too far to merely turn around. Besides that, the road back did not seem any easier than what we hoped would be the short distance ahead. I could not pedal forward; I had no strength. I could not rest on the trail because it was barely wide enough for us to ride through and it was beset by cactus. I leaned against my bike for support. I quickly started drawing parallels between that hopeless place on the trail and times in my life when I put myself in situations that I needn’t have. It seems I never have trouble riding myself off into some desperate situation and end up crying out for some intervention. As I straddled my bike and waddled myself the rest of the way up the hill, I began to recall 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I pondered on this verse as I approached what was ultimately the crest of longest incline. I had definitely been in a place of personal and spiritual weakness and He was taking this opportunity to show me He was there waiting and ready to help me.
The path widened, and it would be mainly downhill from this point. A few other riders passed through casually and waved as did a woman on horseback. Families hiked down below. We had not traversed some impassible stretch of trail. Our lives were not in peril. But, there was wisdom on that trail that afternoon. There are so many times in life that I want to shine or be the focal point… and I have to try to be mindful that His light through me shines brightest. He is my strength, and with that nothing is impossible or hopeless. His Grace is sufficient… and as I continue to relearn to rely on that and lean on His unwavering strength I will know not to doubt or worry.
This is a difficult lesson to embrace as a father… I want to appear strong and in control as a parent so I struggle with this at times. I have to keep in mind what I am modeling for my sons so they can gain comfort in leaning on His strength as they grow into men… not only when times are difficult but in all things at all times.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
Time
The other night (or morning, depending on your perspective) Dillon comes bounding into our bedroom looking to crash for the evening. He informed Kendra she could take Ethan with her and sleep in his bottom bunk. He was looking for some time with just dad. I lay there for a few minutes trying to manage my reaction to this… I certainly was not excited about being startled awake, but I had to take a moment to really grasp what was happening. With all the activities and chaos that consume my daily schedule, I had scarcely had time to devote individual attention to my children. From moving halfway across the country and then moving again from the rental to this house to having a new addition to the family, our kids have had to manage a ton of change. We contintue to be impressed by how well they seem to be adjusting, but this particular evening gave me a glimpse at what was truly beneath Dillon’s patient exterior: he just desperately needed some quiet time.
All three boys have been fantastic big brothers; they are constantly concerned with making sure Ethan is comfortable or has what he needs. They often stop what they are doing if he cries to try to lend a hand. They always ask to hold him and help out with tummy time. There has been no indication of jealousy or resentment. I think that we have been so relieved with how things have transitioned that we have given our remaining attention to the details of maintaining the house and keeping all the plates spinning at work. Dillon helped me to realize that we still have three other boys we need to dote on and have special time with. This is a humbling lesson that I had not thought I would have to learn, but as I honestly reflect on the last several weeks it has been quite convenient for me to lump the boys together in some activity and use the time with all of them as my “family time”. This is a cop out. I refuse to continue down this path. My four-year-old should not have to wake himself up in the middle of the night in order to spend some quality time with his father.
Dillon and I took a trip to grab breakfast for the family… it was a simple trip and it took all of about 25 minutes, but it allowed me to connect with him in a way that we had not been able to in a long while. My committment to him and to Jaden and to Logan (Ethan tends to find ways to get alone time) is to continue to find little ways to spend bigger and bigger slices of time together that are individually significant. This time slips by so quickly, and we only get one chance to try to parent these guys. I want to make the most of the time I have in front of them while my opinion still matters and while they still see hanging out with me as a “cool” thing to do. The sands in the hour glass don’t pause… family has to remain the higher priority over the distractions of life… hopefully I can stay on track and we can find enough time in the day for our dedicated time, and we can all go back to sleeping peacefully at night.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
Set it down (the Target story)
We were out looking for a few items one evening and ended up at Target. The kids were tired and we just wanted to get in and out quickly so I decided to run in to the store to pick up the few things we needed. I grabbed a red basket and made my way to the far end of the store to retrieve my goods. When I arrived at my desired aisle, as often happens I noticed a few more things that I could not do without. One of my impulse items was an 24-pack of Vitamin Water, to which I had become recently addicted. I noticed quickly that it would not fit in my red basket. I set the basket down and made a few attempts at stacking my selections in a way that would allow me to carry them all back to the front of the store. I had several close calls at dropping everything, but was finally able to stand up, turn around, and make my way out of the aisle. As I was leaving the section, I noticed an empty shopping cart. It was sitting casually by a candy display and I had not noticed it when I entered the aisle. I looked around and no one seemed to belong to it. I thought about setting everything down and pushing the cart to the registers, but I chose not to and struggled on. I managed to make it most of the way down a major aisle toward the front of the store (I had now almost traveled the length of the store and was in view of the turn that would take me the width of the store to the registers) when I noticed another solitary cart off to the side. I looked around and again could not identify anyone who might have been using it. I set my burdens down into the cart and pushed on. As I made my way toward the check out stands, it struck me that God is often there inviting me to lay my burdens down and give my troubles to Him. I drew a parallel between this instance and the challenges we had been facing in our life… We have been stressing over moving, over the arrival of our newest child, over little things, big things…everything. That trip into the store reminded me that He does not give up on me even when I pass up his offer for help. He just provides another opportunity…
I felt compelled to share this story… It seems a lesson I have to relearn from time to time. Our boys are entering different milestones of independence now. Logan is entering adolescence and will be faced with many new choices and situations that he will have to manage. Jaden and Dillon are expressing individuality and the desire to do “big boy” things more frequently and consistently. Our offerings for help will go unaccepted quite often I am sure… but we will have to remain patient and allow them to recognize that we are there for them when they need us and we will not force our support. It will be difficult to see them struggle with things that I could easily make better for them or show them how to do differently. It will be very difficult to watch them fail knowing I could have interfered or offered some assistance. But when they do come for help, we won’t mention the times we could have helped in the past… we will only do what we can and continue to offer our love and support… and keeping this perspective, I think I have some things to go set down.
Thanks for coming along for the ride…. Kiss your kids!
The 30,000 ft. Hook Shot
Another Open House this weekend… Hopefully this brings us one step closer to packing up and heading back to the Valley of the Sun. I hear it was a balmy 114 degrees out there today – just a touch warmer than the 80-something degrees we had here… nice breeze… cooled down to mid 70′s in the evening…great for keeping the windows open and letting the air flow through the house…but, what is an extra 20 or 30 degrees? It can’t be that bad right? We lived through it before. It only lasts five or six months. It is a DRY heat after all… hmmm… let me call my realtor. We may not need that Open House after all
All this reminiscing about Phoenix is getting me to thinking about the last trip we took out here from there while trying to find a house…the flight to Kansas City was a dream… the boys (Jaden and Dillon – Logan had opted to stay in AZ) were well behaved and polite the entire time. They sat patiently in the airport, smiled and talked to people, played nicely with each other, shared things…. should have seen the set up, but I was blinded by the cuteness. They had conned me to the point that I recommended they travel without car seats and the stroller for the flight back home. It was in keeping with the “big boy” theme, I argued… they had just declared independence from their diapers and had gone full blown potty trained, they had handled themselves like little men on the way out there… it was only right that we reward them by allowing them to sit like big guys in the airplane seats… either that or I was just too lazy to deal with the car seats on the airplane again. (Have you tried doing that with two big car seats? Buckling them into those tiny airplane seats right next to each other, and then strapping the kids into them and then undoing everything and lugging those things all the way down those narrow aisles and all over the airport??) Either way, they had me where they wanted me… unarmed and trapped in a crowded airplane set to take a 3 hour flight from Kansas City to Phoenix. READ MORE »
