I came across this story I started a couple years ago when we were living in Kansas… The boys still have retained their mutual advocacy; especially as they have entered Kindergarten. It was nice to recall an example like this… it is easy to forget how quickly they grow.
So… Jaden and I are in the twins’ room because he is being sent there for aggravated assault on an air circulation device (repeatedly throwing toys at the cieling fan). He is in the midst of trying to explain to me that I cannot control him because he is himself and I am me and he wants to go out of his room and I am being rude because I am not letting him do what he wants to do. Dillon hears his brother’s pleas for release and slinks into the bedroom trying to avert his eyes from mine. He walks slowly over to Jaden and takes him by the hand… then he mutters something to Jaden and both of them attempt to slowly make their way out into the hallway as if this stealth mission was far to clever for me to discover…even as they perpetrate the act before my very eyes. As they crept into the hallway, eyes wide and grinning ear to ear, it was all I could do to not double over in laughter. I composed myself enough to call out their names firmly and redirect Jaden to the bedroom to finish discussing his sentencing. Dillon then tried to screen me off as Jaden made a break for the door… in the end, justice prevailed, but not without a valiant effort from the offending party and his wing man.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
So… I found out recently that my son has a “girlfriend”. My wife was performing her usual taxi duties for the after school pick up and saw the two of them in a warm embrace. They even stole an innocent kiss before they parted ways… Preschoolers these days!
Yes… Little Dillon has emerged as the young Lothario at Little Einstien’s Preschool. On the trampoline the other day he and Jaden told me about a “friendship” they had developed with these two girls in their class. Jaden explained that he and his “best friend” had had been spending their play time together. Recently, she had played with him during snack time, but ignored him on the playground. He decided that the next day at school he would refuse to play with her during the day as well. Jaden broke down his elaborate plan for exactly how it would all go down when they got outside to play. He ended the day dancing around with a different little girl… Dillon said that his “best friend” told him “I like you” during snack and told Kendra that his friendship with his particular girl is “so into it”; so into it? Seriously? Where does this even come from? I am thinking the Little Einstein school might just give way to the Little Celibate Monk Academy if this trend continues. The birthday party is in a couple weeks, and I am already anticipating the drama. I just know I am going to have to run interference with “Into It”‘s dad, provided he survived the coronary.
I am somewhere between slightly amused and somewhat concerned with this development. I mean, Logan broke news of a girlfriend earlier this year, and even confessed to having had one for a short time while we were in Lawrence. I had been anticipating hearing this from him, so my initial reaction was more of “OK, that makes sense… we can monitor this from here”. I knew he was coming of that age and that this would be the next step in his development and we could manage that. Jaden and Dillon will be five in a couple weeks… this is just a touch earlier than I had anticipated dealing with this. I mean, this is completely out of left field. As recently as a few months ago these two would only answer to the names “Yoda” and ”Only Kenobi”; All of a sudden they are dancing with the girls in the classroom, planning mind game retaliations, and kissing girls goodbye.
As much as I struggle with this, I am SO much happier to be on this side of the line than to have to be the daddy of that little girl who comes home and tells him that she kissed her boyfriend goodbye at preschool that day. I can’t imagine what my reaction to that would be…Come to think of it, yes I can… I may need to have the boys stay home sick a few days… just to give ”Into It” and her dad some time to work this out on their end, and give me some time to work on that application for the Little Celibate Monk Academy… maybe I can get a deal on the tuition with the two of them… maybe get an advanced placement for Ethan…
Thanks for coming along for the ride; Kiss your kids!
A few weeks ago a buddy and I went out for a bike ride in the hills south of our homes. It was a fairly technical six mile loop through cactus and rock, over sandy riverbeds, and up some gravely inclines. I began the ride with visions of pedalling victoriously up to the peak and gazing out across the valley with a sense of accomplishment and pride. I used to go on rides like this all the time when I was younger… surely it would all come back to me quickly.
A few minutes of burning thighs and several mouthfuls of dust into the ride quickly lowered my expectation to that of merely surviving the trip. It had been years since I had attempted anything as physical as this ride, and every crank of the pedal drove home how young I no longer am. By the time we were midway up the second major incline my arms and legs were burning, I was out of breath and I was doubled over my handlebars desperate for some type of boost or second wind. I looked around at the desert wilderness that enveloped us: cholla cactus, saguaro, wild grass concealing desert rodents and insects, loose rocks and drop-offs, and the silence of the hills was only penetrated by the exaggerated pounding of my heart as I struggled to catch my breath. We pushed forward… every so often we would stop and try to regroup and curse our path. We came to what we thought would be the halfway point as we encountered more downhill path than up. We began to laugh at how ridiculously we had been behaving about the previous obstacles and congratulated ourselves on making it through. We proclaimed our manliness and vowed to conquer the trail with ease the next time out… and then we came to the big hill.
This section of the trail was not so much an incline as it was an instrument of torture designed to crush a rider’s sense of accomplishment and capability. We somehow managed to push ourselves over the first couple of summits, but each time we would come to the top of a section, the trail would hairpin and climb again, or it would drop down into a sandy riverbed and then climb sharply to a point and gradually wind further upward. Each time we thought we had arrived at our stopping point or pinnacle, the trail moved onward and upward. We were physically and mentally spent. We had put ourselves down this path and we could not continue on the way we planned. From where we stood, we could see the parking area off in the distance. The terrain prevented us from giving up and setting off in that direction, and we had come too far to merely turn around. Besides that, the road back did not seem any easier than what we hoped would be the short distance ahead. I could not pedal forward; I had no strength. I could not rest on the trail because it was barely wide enough for us to ride through and it was beset by cactus. I leaned against my bike for support. I quickly started drawing parallels between that hopeless place on the trail and times in my life when I put myself in situations that I needn’t have. It seems I never have trouble riding myself off into some desperate situation and end up crying out for some intervention. As I straddled my bike and waddled myself the rest of the way up the hill, I began to recall 2 Corinthians 12:9 – “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I pondered on this verse as I approached what was ultimately the crest of longest incline. I had definitely been in a place of personal and spiritual weakness and He was taking this opportunity to show me He was there waiting and ready to help me.
The path widened, and it would be mainly downhill from this point. A few other riders passed through casually and waved as did a woman on horseback. Families hiked down below. We had not traversed some impassible stretch of trail. Our lives were not in peril. But, there was wisdom on that trail that afternoon. There are so many times in life that I want to shine or be the focal point… and I have to try to be mindful that His light through me shines brightest. He is my strength, and with that nothing is impossible or hopeless. His Grace is sufficient… and as I continue to relearn to rely on that and lean on His unwavering strength I will know not to doubt or worry.
This is a difficult lesson to embrace as a father… I want to appear strong and in control as a parent so I struggle with this at times. I have to keep in mind what I am modeling for my sons so they can gain comfort in leaning on His strength as they grow into men… not only when times are difficult but in all things at all times.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
The other night (or morning, depending on your perspective) Dillon comes bounding into our bedroom looking to crash for the evening. He informed Kendra she could take Ethan with her and sleep in his bottom bunk. He was looking for some time with just dad. I lay there for a few minutes trying to manage my reaction to this… I certainly was not excited about being startled awake, but I had to take a moment to really grasp what was happening. With all the activities and chaos that consume my daily schedule, I had scarcely had time to devote individual attention to my children. From moving halfway across the country and then moving again from the rental to this house to having a new addition to the family, our kids have had to manage a ton of change. We contintue to be impressed by how well they seem to be adjusting, but this particular evening gave me a glimpse at what was truly beneath Dillon’s patient exterior: he just desperately needed some quiet time.
All three boys have been fantastic big brothers; they are constantly concerned with making sure Ethan is comfortable or has what he needs. They often stop what they are doing if he cries to try to lend a hand. They always ask to hold him and help out with tummy time. There has been no indication of jealousy or resentment. I think that we have been so relieved with how things have transitioned that we have given our remaining attention to the details of maintaining the house and keeping all the plates spinning at work. Dillon helped me to realize that we still have three other boys we need to dote on and have special time with. This is a humbling lesson that I had not thought I would have to learn, but as I honestly reflect on the last several weeks it has been quite convenient for me to lump the boys together in some activity and use the time with all of them as my “family time”. This is a cop out. I refuse to continue down this path. My four-year-old should not have to wake himself up in the middle of the night in order to spend some quality time with his father.
Dillon and I took a trip to grab breakfast for the family… it was a simple trip and it took all of about 25 minutes, but it allowed me to connect with him in a way that we had not been able to in a long while. My committment to him and to Jaden and to Logan (Ethan tends to find ways to get alone time) is to continue to find little ways to spend bigger and bigger slices of time together that are individually significant. This time slips by so quickly, and we only get one chance to try to parent these guys. I want to make the most of the time I have in front of them while my opinion still matters and while they still see hanging out with me as a “cool” thing to do. The sands in the hour glass don’t pause… family has to remain the higher priority over the distractions of life… hopefully I can stay on track and we can find enough time in the day for our dedicated time, and we can all go back to sleeping peacefully at night.
Thanks for coming along for the ride… Kiss your kids!
The day quickly arrived. We sold the house (or handed it away, depending on the perspective) in early August and prepared for our physical move. Logan, Jaden, and Dillon were looking forward to being back in the Valley of the Sun. We had fun out in Kansas… many strolls downtown, trips out to Kansas City, grilling out with friends, Worlds of Fun, barbeque… barbeque… mmm… good friends and good fun – that will be sorely missed!
We are now slowly (yes, still slowly) getting ourselves settled in. We moved from a rental house to what we thought would be our long-term home, but… we have the U-Haul punch card nearly filled – two more moves and we get the free tank of gas and the his and hers padlocks!
Kiss your kids!
