The debate rages on… what will we name our fourth child? Much hinges upon the yet-to-be-identified sex of the child. Statistics, and, more powerfully, family seem to suggest we will not be getting another boy… and I am fine with that…. really… no, seriously, I am. I just want to have some input on the name and get in writing and have notorized that our daughter will under no circumstances socialize, fraternize, or otherwise consort with any members of the opposite sex not belonging to her immediate family or direct relatives thereof (in-laws, etc) for the first 25 years of her life. It will also need to be memorialized somewhere that once that initial period of protection expires, any potential suitors for the next several years will need to be screened by me, her loving and slightly protective father, and her three older much more protective brothers. These screening activities may take place at such accommodating locations as firing ranges, back alleys, or remote, isolated patches of the Sonoran Desert. After that, we can evaluate the situation and see what needs to happen next. I have shared this plan with a few fathers of daughters I know, and they think it’s brilliant! In fact, they regret not having implemented this process from the very beginning… I mistake I do not wish to duplicate. My wife, on the other had, does not embrace this philosophy or approach… strange I know.
Anyway, back to the names… I have a couple ideas for names that for some reason are not gaining popularity with the Mrs either (but strangely have been a huge success with the dads of daughters – going with DOD for short from here on in). I teed up a couple of my favorite names for the DOD focus group… WELL received. One panel member even tried to convince his youngest that she should change her name… she didn’t bite. But, that could be attributed to the fact that he has been operating outside of my “Protection Plan” described above… but again, I digress. The biggest hits in the DOD focus group have been Chastity Virginia (or Virginia Chastity, equally well received), Prudence, and Purity Faith. Why the wife opposes these names I will never understand. These are great names… solid names… they speak of character and virtue. I harbor no delusions that these names will make it through the Veto process… I have been told in no uncertain terms that our child will not bear any of those names. July 24th will hopefully reveal the sex of our child… I still have time to work some angles and reconvene the DOD panel to see what we can come up with. Beyond that, I have until December when the baby is due to try to convince her… I need to take some time and think it through… there has to be a way… HAS to. So you see… I am absolutely fine with having a girl. Looking forward to it actually… and I will be working on perfecting the Protection Plan and getting the name list together… July 24th… everyone is thinking girl… could be… OR… we could be welcoming Ethan Sawyer to the family and moving forward with business as usual with a house full of boys.
Thanks for coming along… Kiss your kids!